He wanted me.

I knew he wasn't listening anymore.

His eyes were focusing on the whiskey in the corner of my kitchen. He pulls it down and says, "Wow, can I try some?"

"Go ahead, it's really old, but it hasn't been drunk yet, so it's all yours." I tend to share things in my house, especially with guests. He was an old friend that was visiting and we had just spend a lovely time outside and meandered inside to figure out the rest of our evening. I didn't realize he would take the "it's all yours" literally. The next time I looked, I saw that the bottle was almost empty. That should have been my cue to say goodbye.

Instead, we moved on to a more comfortable place, the 7-11 down the street. We needed more booze and had to get it right away. Cue number 2, he couldn't keep our conversation going without more alcohol. Maybe I should re-think this. That cue came and was gone quickly as I followed his lead.

We hung out in our living room, me relaxing with my phone in hand and he asked a pointed question.

"Would you ever date anyone that smokes?"

Coming out of no-where, I got defensive. I felt like he was accusing me of the place where we grew up. I didn't smoke cigarettes, but if someone else does, it's their prerogative. Having kissed smokers, I didn't particularly like it, but that's not saying I wouldn't try it. Completely depended.

Trying not to let him get the best of me, I gave as little of a response as I could. As he continued to drink his night away, our conversations needed more clarification and became less comprehensive. Our terrible sober kiss wasn't repeated in our drunkenness. I think we knew that we were just confused friends, or something.

Out of the blue he says, "All I want to do is anal."

Cue 3. He made it sound like this was no big deal. On the first night we're hanging out. Get away from there as soon as possible. I refused politely and with dignity. That's when my drinking stopped. No words could describe how uncomfortable I felt with being so pressured into doing a sexual favor. And since I felt like we hadn't connected on an emotional level, I definitely didn't feel safe to do anything. I'd just end up getting hurt.

As I made up an excuse to get out of there, he kept asking to do something else. I can't tell you how many times I said "No" that night as he got drunker and drunker. I could tell how much he was hurting. Because I was his friend long ago, I felt like I couldn't leave him how he was. I felt like he was saying these things out of hurt rather than to deliberately hurt me.

The pressures of high school came back with his continual questioning and I was proud of myself for continuing to say no. And yet, when he finally did go home, my brain could no longer handle it. Tears streaming down my face, I hurt deeply for my friend. I hurt deeply for the fact that he wasn't okay. The confused conversations showed me how much he needed someone there for him and I wished that could have been me. I had expected when meeting up with him that I could support him as a friend, and yet, all he wanted was interested was drinking, smoking and sex.

My heart broke as I knew there was nothing I could do. Pressuring didn't work. And it never is a good sign when he can't accept that "no" means "no."

Good luck man, I hope you find what you are looking for.

#boys #peerpressure #getaway #drunkmistake