Eating by Yourself.

After asking a friend if she wanted to grab lunch with me, she turned to me and asked a simple, yet directed question.

"You aren't okay with eating by yourself are you?"

I stuttered over my words.

"Uh, no I don't mind..." clearly meaning the opposite, or just not able to admit she might be right just yet.

"You know how I can tell? You always ask me to come eat with you after class, but I never see you just walk into the dining center by yourself."

Wow, okay Miss Observant. I thought about it and realized what she said was true. My roommate did the same thing, she would never eat by herself in the dining hall attached to our dormitory. She'd always get one of those to-go Styrofoam boxes and bring it up to our room when she couldn't find anyone to eat with. My new friend told me some of the benefits of eating by yourself. In her reasoning and phrasing, "Why did it matter what anyone else thought?"

Before walking into the other, she calmly stated, "You should try it sometime."

I did and I'd like to say, it was a good thing. I learned over the past years after college even more how right she was. It doesn't matter if you are by yourself. Actually, when I was by myself during that time in college, I learned a lot about me. I found that when I relied on other people to tell me who I was, I never truly understood who I was. It was only when I felt most alone that I saw myself, strengths, weaknesses and all. I could see me for me.

Fortunately, I also had the opportunity to talk to a counselor about how I see myself during my transition out of college life. I discovered I am very hard on myself and didn't let myself react according to my feelings because I thought they were wrong. There it became my mind that was the problem. I didn't like myself. So when I was by myself, I would only see my reactions and hate myself for it. But, I soon learned how to like myself.

I'm no expert but you can only be okay with being by yourself by doing it. It's there during the rough times that you figure out your weaknesses, and what makes you you.

I realized I don't need to hang out with other people to be happy, although I am an extrovert most of the time. I just need to do what I like and what I want.

Simple as that.

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