Steps to Understanding Emotions: How to see Happy, Sad and More as They Are
As an emotionally charged female, I've been called "crazy," "irrational," and many other things to "help" me deal with being exactly who I am, emotional. I know that many people struggle with this hush-hush stigma that goes with mental health. People minimize mental health problems by saying negative things or worse, avoiding it completely. By not admitting that someone has a mental health problem like depression, schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, anxiety or the pure reality of being emotional in the moment, we as a society are missing out. Emotions are real. As I said to a friend recently, "Sometimes it doesn't matter if we think something is "real" or not, it just matters if it's real to the person that is talking. If they think it is, then it's the truth for them. Then we just have to try to understand and accept it."
Becoming aware of being emotional has let me identify my emotional responses. When those storms come and I feel myself getting too involved in them, I try to control them. Although as you know, it's not always successful. Sometimes I get too angry, overthink, cry, and/or become depressed over something that's happening. We're all human. It happens.
But there are some great things to do to help identify and understand your emotions.
1) Don't analyze too early. Let yourself feel whatever it is.
Before you get too hard on yourself, let yourself feel the emotion coming to you. It may mean that you're leaving the party a little earlier than intended or that you don't want to talk to anyone for a bit, but let yourself feel completely before you try to figure out much about what's happening. What I would do is pull myself into a self-critique right away and then I would never figure out what I was emotional about because I was too angry at myself for being emotional in the first place. Yeah, don't do that. Just take your time in feeling.
2) Monitor the situations, circumstances, triggers and feelings.
I usually keep track of my emotions in a journal that I go back to every once in awhile. Because I like to write, it is a good way for me to process my emotions in a way I feel comfortable with. Usually, I figure out (sometimes much later) what triggers me to get so upset. I can then see whether I'm going in a downward spiral of my own brain's habits or if I can nip it in the butt before it gets there. I started listening to the audio book, You Are Not Your Brain by Jeffrey M. Schwartz and Rebecca Gladding MD, which has been a big help. I learn what to do to help myself move past it. For me, sometimes it takes just talking about it for me to feel better.
3) Be flexible with yourself.
When you put yourself under stress to figure it out, it doesn't help. So use one of these recommended components to provide flexibility for you not to relapse into the same emotional spiral (or critique):
*Deep breathing
*Meditation
*Work out
*Do something enjoyable
*Cheer yourself up
*Talk to a friend
*Go for a walk
Once you give yourself a break, it might be easier to identify the emotion and help change your response to a particular event. Then, you'd be able to get past it.
There are some great references from Psychology Today, EROS (Emotion Regulations of Others and Self), and New York University Student Health Center put together a booklet about regulating emotions. Check them out!
The key thing to remember is that just because you're emotional doesn't mean that you're not valuable. Everyone has ups and downs of emotions in their life. You're not alone and by monitoring it, you're able to begin to see how to use your emotions for good.
A shoutout goes to B.C. featured in the picture above!
